As time goes by I am feeling myself settle in ... into my breathing, into my body, my mind and my soul. There is a deeper calm that is making itself present more consistently these days, creating a different kind of rhythm, despite the storms that come and go each day.
I am discovering a new version of myself and I’m feeling centred, grounded. The noise in my mind is quietening to a murmur in the background. Is this me?
The new awareness, this calm consciousness, has crept in and feels like the slow beat of my heart. I am not so bothered by the outside world these days. The chaos out there continues to flap its wings and holler its demands and is of little concern to me.
Life keeps happening and I find myself without any particular opinion of it all, unless of course it matters to me.
For many years I felt the internal pressure, and the external influences of having to be and do in a certain way. It felt uncomfortable, stressful, and imposing. My younger self was more concerned about productivity over my personal wellbeing and what resonated within my soul.
I remember many times saying to friends and colleagues that I could never manage to finish a cup of tea without it going cold. Why? Because the concerns and the agendas of everyone else took precedence over my own peace and happiness.
Now, I make sure I enjoy my cups of tea without the pull of someone else’s demands, unless of course I choose to give freely of my time and energy.
Does this sound selfish? Maybe, however I know that if I’m not prepared to love myself, then others will have no regard for me either. I cannot be genuine in my giving if I have not met my own needs first.
These days, the gift of stillness within has become my joy. Now I take slow, leisurely and mindful walks in my lunch break, observing my breath, noticing the sunlight gleam through the leaves of the trees, and the birds gathered together on the power lines. I even notice dirty rubbish bins, unfamiliar faces and I am curious without engaging. I observe and then I let the thoughts of what I notice pass me by.
My mind is becoming more accustomed to letting go and I am content to be the observer of my life, even for 15-20 minutes.
In contrast to this chosen state of peace, I also notice the goings-on of life, the drama that people create and the stress that ensues when people become affected by their own expectations or the behaviour of others. This way of living keeps us trapped in a toxic energy bubble.
I’ve participated in this constant circle of entrapment for years, and now I care very little for it, as I can see how damaging it is and how I have suffered.
I am now enjoying the calm of being. When I wake up at night I am able to enjoy the comfort of my bed, the quiet of the night, and the freedom to speak to God and listen to my spiritual guides. I also enjoy laying there in the stillness and not think at all - I just listen to the quiet of the night.
It’s a practice I’m developing, noticing my progress as I slowly surrender, letting go the layers of resistance, and the noise in my mind. I’m not sure why it has taken me so long ... why I have given myself so much grief in my soul with incessant thinking about things that have no importance or that I have no control over.
The peace that comes when I care less about my worries is so much richer than the stress of trying to think about others, or problem solve things that are none of my business. There is freedom when I let go of judging others and making what they say and do, matter. There is freedom when I stop judging, expecting perfection or trying to be something that I am not. It all seems so futile and I’m ready to let it go and surrender in favour of peace and being my true self.
All that matters to me these days are the small moments of pleasure, the joy of a walk by the sea, the happiness of sharing a coffee and conversation with a friend, the amusement of watching a movie of my choice, or the fun of doing something new with a friend.
I realise that I am less concerned about a future that I was once so invested in engineering to be a certain way. I worried too much about how to do it, and whether I would be good enough, strong enough or motivated enough to make it happen. I didn’t realise that I cared about what others thought - because it gave me anxiety in my stomach and stress throughout my body.
Now, I am content to live life my way, in my timing, for my own reasons. Whatever matters to me, whatever lights me up or gives me small moments of joy, peace or contentment, is now enough for me. The small moments that I choose to notice, enjoy and appreciate have become the golden treasure in my life. We are always blessed yet we don’t see the abundance that’s in our experiences.
Life is not always consistent, or perfect, and I’m learning to observe rather than participate in everything. I don’t need to interact, have an opinion, or even have a particular feeling if I choose not to.
There are moments when I experience heightened energy and I feel inspired to achieve. I feel connected to the Divine and a passionate desire to live my soul-purpose. And there are moments when I am content to rest and pull back without any desire to push or be pulled. I enjoy rest, quiet, and the comfort of being me, knowing that’s right for me in that moment.
I am learning to be the harmonious dance partner in my life. In many ways I am more focused on my purpose than before (which is to grow in love and wisdom) because now I care less about the drama of others and more about the opportunities and experiences of love that await me.
I see that life can be more with less ... less worry, less concern for the motivations or temperament of others, and more when I give myself the time, love and respect for my life, my growth and my time in this world.
I know I have a purpose and this matters to me.
As I observe this new way of being and this new equilibrium in my soul, I feel a greater depth of love for myself, for others, and for life. I am no longer reacting to the complications that people choose to create and give all their attention to. I feel compassion in my heart that feels like freedom, not obligation or dependency.
My senses are awakened, enhancing my spiritual connection to the living (and with the other side) in a way that helps me to feel into the Divine. I am letting go the desire to physically or mentally interact where there is no invitation.
I am more accepting of myself and respectful of the soul journey of others. Our needs, our experiences, our perceptions and our understanding are different for all of us.
My heart feels content, so that when I see into the soul of others I smile in my heart and in my eyes. It’s a joy to observe how we are all living and learning in our own way.
This new rhythm in my life allows me to know we are all doing what needs to be done, being who we need to be, learning what we need to learn. Another person’s soul-journey is not mine, and that’s the way it is - and that is beautiful.
Enjoying the smaller moments in my life and being the observer is expanding time and space so that it no longer has so much relevance. Time and space dissolves, and it is here that I feel great bliss.
The ‘doing’ in my life occasionally tries to assert itself as the dominant focus and sometimes this seeps back into my energy field in an imposing way. However I’m learning to shush the unhelpful noise of my thoughts, because it invades my body and dampens my spirit, and it’s not welcome anymore.
Yes, I’m enjoying this new found peace when I surrender to the quiet within, the presence of whatever is to be noticed, acknowledged, enjoyed and then allowed to pass by. I am the perfect dance partner in my life.
A personal reflection - by Rebecca Gabrielle, 2019
#lettinggo #boundaries #innerpeace #selflove #beingpresent #beingtheobserver
Rebecca Gabrielle, author of "The Power of Soul Loving - a spiritual guide to love and freedom".
Rebecca Gabrielle has been able to see the magnificence and truth of people’s souls from an early age. With a background in psychology, counselling, life-coaching, spiritual development, and energy healing, Rebecca has fine-tuned her psychic and intuitive skills to connect with the Divine to receive and deliver messages of unconditional love. Through her writing, soul-coaching and card readings she assists people to reconnect with their true self so they can experience clarity, peace of mind, joy and passion for doing what they love.