Why is Dependency a Killer?
When we become so attached to other people, places, things, or even our thoughts, beliefs, and habits, we become a prisoner in a world we created from unhealthy external dependencies.
We convince ourself these attachments are meeting our needs, wants and happiness, to the point we become blinded by our obsessions.
When the focus of our attachment is removed, taken away or moves away - we become the addict that goes through nasty withdrawal. This can appear as the ‘uglies’ in our behaviour, as we assert our way, our expectations, and our opinions upon others, resulting in emotional outbursts, physical tantrums, mind games, or sullen retreats. All of this is the mind trying to regain control over what we thought we wanted, needed and lost.
Our dependencies are a killer when we live in a cycle of focussing on what we think we want and don’t want - always giving our energy to either chasing what we want or avoiding what we don't want, but never really making any progress. This is being on the 'mouse wheel of life'. It’s here we expend all of our energy and time, wasting our potential and never going anywhere. This is death to our soul, and leads to the eventual rapid decline of our mental and physical vitality.
The dependency we have on others in a relationship, such as our partner, friend or family member, can become a noose around our neck when this person leaves or rejects the connection (briefly or permanently). Why? Because we have made the ‘other’ person the reason for our being, our happiness, our security, and the source of all of our needs.
As a result, we collapse due to the state of helplessness and dependency we have trained our mind to live in.
All this time we have not developed a sense of our own true self or personal leadership so we can stand on our own, discover our own strengths, and use our gifts, talents and capabilities to enjoy life. When we are dependent upon external circumstances, we become stuck, frozen with fear, and reliant upon others and the outside world to meet our needs.
When we can learn to be in a relationship without dependency or unhealthy attachments, we have the opportunity to develop character, resilience, inner strength and resourcefulness. We can give ourselves the gift of coming to know our true self - the mark of an emotionally and spiritually mature person, who can be with themselves and feel truly complete.
This is about knowing how to fill our own cup, using our own inner resources to find our true north, live our purpose, take care of our health and wellbeing, and ultimately contribute our part to the world.
As humans, we thrive when we have connection with others, as it is vital for our wellbeing. Rather than reject connection with others as a means of being independent, we can learn to have some level of trust in relationships, trusting that another person can add positively to our experiences in a healthy way. We need to learn that elasticity in a relationship (the dance between two people) can help us to grow our potential, and offer us the opportunity to contribute to, or receive from another person, whilst being comfortable in our own individuality and independence.
When we learn to lead our own life, with a readiness to embrace the unknown without expectations, go with the flow of the ups and downs of life, then we know we are being our true authentic and independent self. The rest is a bonus!
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Rebecca Gabrielle, author of "The Power of Soul Loving - a spiritual guide to love and freedom".
Rebecca Gabrielle has been able to see the magnificence and truth of people’s souls from an early age. With a background in psychology, counselling, life-coaching, spiritual development, and energy healing, Rebecca has fine-tuned her psychic and intuitive skills to connect with the Divine to receive and deliver messages of unconditional love. Through her writing, soul-coaching and card readings she assists people to reconnect with their true self so they can experience clarity, peace of mind, joy and passion for doing what they love.